Why?

Funny you should ask. It’s nice at any point in my life, and right now it’s absolutely necessary. It’s a stressful pot of crabs over here – moving out of a commune, getting married, the job I’ve created for myself over the past 3 years finally materializing, every other vocational thing taking off and taking time, and the necessary balance… Let’s just say I go to bed grateful that I can rest and I wake up grumpy, despite saying Compline or Night Prayer with my beloved.  My daily inspiration is the way I transform GrumpMuffin into Grateful, Smiling Sarah.

And so I share with you here two pieces of that daily inspiration. The first one in the picture above comes from the magazine Real Simple who, despite its grammatically sketchy title, provides a lovely ‘Daily Thought’. I subscribed to their magazine for a few years, but grew beyond it. I have yet to grow beyond the Daily Thought, and I deeply appreciate it. “If you can dream it, you can make it so.” – Belva Davis.

The second comes from the mac widget produced by The Secret. Today’s ‘Daily Teaching’ is a quote from Marcel Proust. “We don’t receive wisdom. We must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.”

I hope you all have a very lovely day.

When we feel a strong need, there is desperation in that need. Even if we’re not used to putting it quite that way, it doesn’t take a whole lot of introspection to identify it. God doesn’t dwell in desperation. Faith is where God is found – faith, hope, love, joy, peace, bliss, light, life… Yes this is the stomping ground of God. This is, in fact, That Which Is God.

When we feel desire – and here I take the stance that we can feel desire apart from need – there is no desperation, there is no fear, there is no sense of lack or incompleteness. There is a freedom and openness in desire – the exact opposite of desperation. When we feel desire, this open, free sensation makes faith easy. And faith isn’t about buying into a belief system, a set of historical events that may or may not have occurred. Faith is about placing your heart inside of this Hope-Love-Joy-Peace-Bliss-Life-Light thing that is God. Faith is about saying ‘that’s what I want, that’s how I want to live, that’s what I’m going to do, that’s how I’m going to be’.

When we feel desire it is easier to sense the abundance around us and we can very easily be in tune with the stomping ground of God – we can be faith-y, placing our hearts inside of hope, love, joy, peace, bliss, light and life.

When we have faith, we can know that our desires are possible. It is God’s happy joy to answer our prayers, but when we are trembling in fear or anger then we’ve already separated ourselves from God… and it’s that separation which needs to be addressed before any other prayers can be heard. God is, loves, and wants faith, hope, joy, love, peace, bliss, light and life for all of us, and God wants it RIGHT NOW.

So… Get in the groove. Practice giving up the desperate sense of need (which is a spiritual practice all on it’s own, popular in every major religion, under different titles), and embrace Holy Desire – where we can have the clarity of hope and the fullness of faith. Also, Joy. Lots and lots of joy. (All the joy! All of it!)

A diced slice of onion & one sliced garlic clove into the pan with a dab of Earth Balance. Pour in one egg, beaten into submission and topped with a generous helping of milk, salt and pepper. (Or whatever else you can find in your church kitchen.) Scramble.

Meanwhile, toast up two halves of your favorite bagel, and put a bit of that Earth Balance on each open face before you hit ‘toast’! When they come out, sprinkle them in nutritional yeast and Italian seasonings. Then sprinkle them in shredded mozzarella.

Moving back to the eggs, grab whatever vegetable is handy (in said church fridge – today it was celery) dice it and add some to the eggs. Keep some back for toppings.

When all is ready to join forces, pile egg concoction on top of two open face halves, top with more mozzarella and remaining Diced Random-Vegetable.

Eat. Savor. Moan in happiness. Be grateful for a sense of imagination and a church kitchen. And if you have a cell phone… take a picture of the gorgeous White-Green happiness that is on your plate. (But can you make the Gooseberry work well enough to actually post it on your blog? This part remains to be seen. Perhaps in a future edit.

The gentleman I was discussing this with had his own self-sabotaging behaviors that he shared, though he balked at the word ‘sabotage’ on the basis that the behaviors weren’t conscious, so they couldn’t be actual sabotage – sabotage implies consent and intention.

But here’s how I see it:

My procrastination is a coping mechanism for when I feel overwhelmed. Now, I used to feel overwhelmed because I wasn’t actually capable of finishing successfully, or didn’t have all the information and data and didn’t know how to ask for it. Now, I feel overwhelmed because it’s really important and it could affect a lot of people’s lives in really incredible and positive ways… but I know I’m up to the challenge, I know I have all the resources I need. But my coping mechanism is going to protect me at all costs. 

And what is the cost, in this case? What is being sabotaged by this behavior? Not my current sense of self. That’s what’s being protected at all costs. It’s my vision of who I want to be. The ways I’ve articulated, the list of attributes that I’m working steadily toward that include things like joyful, enlightened, following my bliss, loving, grounded, influential, a change agent, deeply peaceful, inspirational. This is what is at risk for sabotage because my coping mechanism is willing to protect my current being at all costs. And in this case, the cost is who I want to be. I sabotage my future and desired self when I pull this sort of thing.

So it stops now. And it’s a lovely feeling, being free of it.

Harry Potter walked back into the woods. Firefighters run back into the fire. The Mayor of Newark ran into a burning house last week to save his next door neighbor – after throwing off his bodyguard.

And all of these people aren’t ‘one of them’, they’re one of us. They’re no one particularly special… until afterwards when you hear their story and you realize that in the moment that that totally normal person had no fear and nothing to lose.

Nothing to fear, nothing to lose – The stockbroker who decides the Wall St. rat-race isn’t worth it, takes a 90% pay cut, buys a farm and lives a happier life?

If your church ceased to exist tomorrow, other than your core members, who would notice? Who would care? If the answer is nobody, it’s not looking good for your church.

In crisis we have two choices – which are actually the two choices we always have, but are put in stark relief in in the midst of crisis – we can hold on tight or let go. If we hold on tight, we break, we are inflexible, we have everything to lose and everything to fear and when we lose even part of it much less all of it, we ourselves feel as if we are breaking. And if we let go, if we release we still may lose things – items, reputation, money, loved ones – and yet we are able to weather it like a palm tree in the wind, bending and swaying. But the perspective we have when we hold on is so painful, so full of suffering. The perspective we have when we let go is one of freedom and expectation.

So – will you wait for a crisis to let go, or are you willing to do so now and live a gentler and easier life?

Where: Cornelia Street Cafe, 29 Cornelia Street, NY, NY 10014 (map)
When: Thursday, May 17, at 6pm (arrive at 5:45!)
Admission: $7, includes a drink
Reservations: A REALLY GOOD IDEA! 212-989-9319  - and if you’re coming, please drop me a line or respond to this post!

If you or I aren’t dwelling in a place where Joy is constantly accessible to us, we’re missing out on something delicious. Living peaceful lives, experiencing joy as often as we like, and becoming loving people is the goal, no matter what sort of situation we find ourselves in – the tricky ones, the hard ones, in the midst of crisis.

In the words of one of my teachers, Bob Perelli, it’s easy to be calm, cool and collected when people are sending you flowers, giving you chocolate and writing you checks. The level of our emotional maturity isn’t measured when things are going so easily. We know we are really making good progress when we can remain calm and peaceful when people are snarking at us, when they’re pushing our buttons and when things don’t seem to be going our way.

And when we start to change this, when we start to increase our emotional maturity… then some pretty remarkable and miraculous things start happening. Quite naturally, more good things start entering our view screen and the goals we made for ourselves that seemed so out of reach become shockingly close to us.

This is hard work, and it is useful to have help – that’s why there are life coaches – or if you prefer, Spiritual Directors. Same thing. If you want this help, email me.

Free things are exciting. You know it’s true.

So if you were curious but hesitant before, now is your time, my friends!

Now, down to brass tacks. What will you find inside?  Okay:

• The Bureau of Misdirected Destiny is a story about the weird, secret and mystical government department in Washington, D.C., located at the back of a restaurant. They know when you’re coming, and they know what you need. You may not like it, but they’re there to help. Author: Sare Liz Gordy.
  
• Sweetheart is a story about a… um… you know… Service Bot. What service does she render? The oldest one. That is, until she’s gets an unauthorized upgrade and walks out. Author: Rachel Lynn Brody.
• Epistle to St. Cupid is a story about an angry, eloquent young woman returning a few tokens from a former lover, as well as giving a little unsolicited advice. Author: Teresa Watson.
• Of Beer and Blogs is a story about a love-struck bartender. Will he get up the gumption to approach the strong, sassy woman he sees every week? Author: Anne Baker.
• The M-Word is a story about a woman without a biological clock. Too bad the men she dates don’t realize it… Author: Sandi Layne.
• Dead Wrong is a story about a woman who learns to stand up for herself and others, no matter what. Author: Rhiannon Robinson.
• Katie’s Curler is a story about a diminutive Alaskan woman who, by dint of sheer presence alone, was able to change a life. Author: Sarah C. Munsey

So go do it and tell your friends! Download Sassy Singularity for free today! And when you find that you like our quirky little stories, please feel free to check out the other things we’ve written and contributed to…

Sare Liz Gordy (Amazon Author Page) – I’ve also got a fabulous short story called Traditionibus Ne Copulate in the anthology called HOT MESS: Speculative fiction about climate change.

Rachel Lynn Brody (Amazon Author Page) – She’s got two great short stories, Haute Mess and Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. in the anthology she edited, HOT MESS: Speculative fiction about climate change. She also has Restaurants Are Rated Out Of Four Stars (a foodie romance), and POST: A Play In One Act.

Sandi Layne (Amazon Author Page) – She’s got a great romance called Making a Diamond. And several others! There’s Silent Music, Captive Irish Moon, An Unexpected Woman, Summer’s Music and  Garrison’s Girl.

Once again, I have a migraine and once again I’ve taken something for it. Now, there’s the night time stuff and the day time stuff – both over the counter, not prescription medications mind, my migraines aren’t quite that heinous (though trust me, they’re migraines, so they’re pretty heinous), but the night time stuff makes me drowsy and stupid for about 12 hours and the day time stuff has caffeine in it.

Given that I woke up at 5:45 this morning with this puppy, at 7 am I was practically bouncing out of bed with a grin on my face. But that’s  the thing – the medication takes me to a silly place, really, one where I all too easily forget that I’ve given myself a migraine and perhaps a smidgen of self-care is warranted. Now yes, there are things I’ve scheduled to do today, but some of them could happen another day. I could take it easy. But it’s not easy to recall that when I’m bouncing out of bed ready to climb Mount Everest.

So, let’s talk about this conundrum of self-care,  yes?

Self-Care vs. Self-Medication

Self-care. It doesn’t require a spa with full services to do those things for one’s self that are, in fact, caring. What’s more, most of the time the standard things that make the average American ‘feel better’ don’t actually qualify as self-care. They could be filed more under the heading of self-medication. You know, when one feels better after a drink or three, after buying another pair of shoes, after eating the entire bag of Oreos or potato chips, after having an all day West Wing marathon… As fun as some of these things are, and as fun as most things are in moderation, over stimulation of the frontal cortex, over eating, over spending and over drinking serves in the same capacity as caffeine-asprin-acetometaphen cocktail that I took at 5:45 this morning. It dulls the pain without healing the root.  And what is pain but a red flag that something is amiss? When we take away the red flag, we’re fooling ourselves if we imagine that everything is somehow alright now.

Self-care is more about the things that actually help to rejuvenate a person. While it is absolutely true that most of us come chock full of so many bad habits and old, unexamined negative patterns that one day of being kinder to ourselves isn’t going to change everything overnight, it is also true that one day of being kinder to ourselves is going to start a ball rolling that can turn into the rock that started the avalanche – at which point lots of things change overnight.

So how do we get that ball rolling?

Mind-Body-Spirit

Self-care can look like a lot of things to a lot of people, but what you need to do right now is going to be a product of who you are and what you’ve done to get yourself into the present situation. But there are a couple of helpful hints that can help anyone out of a jam, and they start with honest answers to simple questions – simple, but not necessarily easy. Right now, let’s tackle just one of those questions.

What am I feeling?

If you think you’re feeling nothing, or you’re completely fine, and yet you’re at a place where you’ve decided that you need self-care, then I would gently suggest that perhaps you’re not quite as in touch with your feelings as you might imagine. And feelings are incredibly important. So do what you need to do to get in touch with your feelings and honor them. Always honor what has occurred or it could get ugly later on… It would be like sweeping unwanted emotions under a carpet and pretending they don’t exist, whilst under the carpet those unwanted emotions are growing teeth and claws and will be coming out one day, perhaps when you least want them to.

Express Those Emotions

Part and parcel of truly honoring the emotions that we have is giving them safe and complete expression. It’s really the only way that we can move on. Again, this step looks different for each person, but here are some things that you can try. If you’re feeling angry, or any of the ‘gentler’ version of anger, like annoyance, irritation, resentment, impatience, sarcastic – try screaming into pillows, punching pillows, or going for a doctor-sanctioned bit of hard cardio exercise. If you are fortunate enough to have access to a punching bag, go wail on it.  If you’re feeling fearful, or any of the ‘milder’ versions of fear like worried, wary, anxious, sensitive, overwhelmed or edgy it could be helpful to try to cry. In this case, anything that will bring on a tear could be useful as a fuse to light the larger issue you’re trying to get in touch with.

The idea is to express the emotion… and then once it is out, begin to move on. No one wants to dwell too long in anger or sadness – we want joy, peace, love – the whole nine yards.

Getting To Joy

Self-care is ultimately about doing those things that will get you to that joyful, peaceful, loving state. Sometimes it takes some remedial work – working out the lingering negative emotions to clear the path, so to speak. And then it’s time for a change of scenery – literally.  If you’ve just worked out your anger by screaming into pillows in your bedroom, then for heaven’s sake get out of the house. Go for a walk around the block. Meet a friend for coffee. Get a complete change of scenery. That’s step one.  Step two: be present minded. If you’ve never tried it, this is simpler than you can imagine and harder than it seems. It’s really just training your mind to be under your own control, rather than you under its control. Start simple – as you’re walking around the block, feel your body. Feel the impact of your heel on the pavement and see if you can feel it all the way up your spine. Feel your clothes. Count your breaths. Concentrate on any aspect of your experience without allowing your mind to wander wherever it will. Or if you’re sitting having coffee by yourself, look at the coffee for a good long while before you drink it. Then smell it. Feel the warmth of the mug in your hands. Immerse yourself into the experience of it so that by the time you actually take the first sip, it’s a sensory overload. The point, again, is to immerse your mind into the experience of doing a thing without thinking about it and telling yourself stories about it. When we are immersed in an experience, the mind is quiet.

Step three: Experience Joy. Enjoy things. That is to say, put joy into what you do. En-joy them. Ask yourself, what is the joyful thought in this moment? What is the perspective on this good/bad/whatever moment that is going to make me grin?  Now, step three really is a lot easier if we’ve done steps one and two, but once we get our selves trained so we acknowledge our emotions when we have them and our mind is under our control and not visa versa, it can seem like we’re just skipping to Step Three.  And that’s the place we all really want to get to – to experience joy no matter what happens.

And when we all get to that place, there’s no telling what humanity can do…

[Want more about this experience-joy-all-the-time thing? Talk to Sare about Spiritual Direction.]

For this anthology, the wonderful and talented Rachel Lynn Brody got a bunch of her favorite authors together to write some brilliant pieces of short fiction that range from Eric Sipple’s eerie ‘She Says Goodbye Tomorrow’ to the fabulously tongue in cheek ‘Haute Mess’ by the editor herself, to my own quirky little tale, ‘Traditionibus Ne Copulate’. As an author I came to the group late in the game – over lunch at her parent’s kitchen table when she was home visiting, Rachel asked if I had any tidbit of interesting fiction that fit the bill.

“I have a weird little post-apocoalyptic story about lab mice that have taken over the church once all the humans are dead, and they host monastic gas stations in an age of alternative-fuel. Does that count? It’s kind of up-beat and chirpy, all things considered. I wrote it at Sermon Prep Group one day last year. My colleagues were all very amused, and one of them named it for me: Traditionibus Ne Copulate. It means Don’t Fuck With Tradition.”  Rachel read it, loved it (of course) and included it – why? Because she is a wonderful person.

Now, do I have a penchant for rescuing lab mice or a pro-dolphin socialist state? No, not really. Do I have a thing about the Church needing to change or die (or if you will, change or get the hell out of the way)? Yes, yes I do. But that’s a platform I’ll probably never get off of. (See latest website: No-Exceptions.Org)

I think my favorite of the group is actually the shortest – Rachel’s ‘Haute Mess’. This has obviously come from the mind of the woman who writes advertising copy at [a very large & wealthy department store chain] in order to pay her rent. It’s just so gorgeous, so very tongue in cheek, and so oddly upbeat for being a harsh commentary not only of climate change, but also of consumerism run rampant. I think that’s why I love it so much.

So –  yeah. This is a great book. And you can find it on Amazon for your kindle and kindle aps, or in paperback, and you can find it on Barnes & Noble for your nook and nook aps. Why are you waiting!

In case you’re curious, each of the authors are donating a portion of their royalties to the charity of their choice – me, I’ve chosen Episcopal Relief and Development. Why? Because they’re full of awesomeness. You could donate to them as well. You know, right after you buy a copy of HOT MESS.