Grace breeds compassion

It’s amazing, isn’t it, how life gets ramped up, and things that are important to you some how get shuffled to the wayside if they don’t actively clammor for your attention. And sometimes they get shuffled, even though they do actively clammor.

I have decided that my lj isn’t something I wish to be shoved aside, nor is my writing. My mentor reminded me of that, though he probably doesn’t realize it. It was his own similar declaration that made me remember what my stated priorities are. Because in the same way that the previous thing is amazing, it’s also amazing what you have time to do when it must be done. (But at what cost, the little voice in the back of my head asks. At what cost does everything get done?)

So here I am. Currently seeking balance. Lots of things have been going on, though I’m trying to strike that balance between no-share and over-share. (Maybe I need to start friends locking journal entries? That doesn’t seem right somehow.)

    The short list:

  • I got ordained to the priesthood. Yours truly is now officially a priest in the one, holy, and apostolic church of God. It was pretty damn nifty. My sisters and best friends cried when the bishop got down on his knees to annoint my feet. All I could think of at the time was Peter saying, “Not me, Lord,” and Jesus replying, “You let me do this, or we’re done, right here.” Ykno, in Aramaic. (And my excitement over recieving a sword from my sifu – a Tai Chi Dao, actually. This was also a high point.)
  • Have cat. Is reflection of own personality. Offical Name: “Prince Zuko” Unofficial Name: “Zuketto the Panang Kitty” …there was an incident, you see, with Zuko and the curry. He did not become a fur lined muff, which just goes to show my boundless compassion…
  • Am painting apartment. There was a time, dear friends, when my personal colors were limited to black, white, and grey. My hallway is now bright green (no, brighter than that) and my bedroom is like unto the blue in my icon. The kitchen will shortly be kumquat. I’m sure my mother will have something suitable to say when she sees it, but I have decided that there are only two beings that actually live in that space – myself and my cat – and we are the only ones to get to have a vote. And Zuko’s not saying much about the paint colors. And so we have, thanks to Sherwin Williams, Witty Green, Flyaway, and Kumquat. It’s amazing what changes can be made with three gallons of paint.
  • Am without car. The end of the week marks 8 weeks from my accident in October, and 8 weeks without reliable transportation. (The accident in brief: I was rearended on a thruway (the 33, for those in the know), and smooshed into the car in front of me. My little hybrid? Think accordian. Fixable, but it’s been ugly.) Now, I’ll grant you that I live exactly 1 mile from my work places, as the Google flies, but I also live on the border of an extremely sketchy neighborhood which I do not, repeat do not wish to walk through at night. And there are a lot of work committments at night. While I do not wish to be a burden, I also do not wish to be on the late night news. Young Priest shot near home, police suspect drug related crime. Parish stunned, “she had so much potential!” But it does mean that there’s no tai chi for me – that’s 20 miles away, south. And no family – that’s 20 miles away, north. And no weekly visits to the coop, because that’s 6 miles round trip, half with heavy groceries (and me with no granny cart!)… and ykno, a whole bunch of other things. Shopping, post office, bank, library, to say nothing of socializing (not that I do hell of a lot of that these days). Even after the initial shock and pain of the accident wore off, the energy involved just fulfilling the necessary tasks of the week about wore me out – and I was completely unwilling to admit that, at least at first. I’m better now. I’ll admit it.
  • I still love my job. I love my mentor. I love the staff. I love learning what on earth I’m supposed to be doing, and then going to try and do it. I find myself reminded more and more often that everything I do, even the minute detaily sort of things, I can be joyful while I do all of these things. And that if I am joyful while I do even the small things, my expierence will only grow more pleasant. (It sounds logical when I type it out, but it doesn’t always feel logical when I live it out.)
  • I’m learning what it means to live an authetic life. How to live in a way that your life approximates your statement of belief – integrity, my mentor likes to point out. I think, perhaps, that the spiritual life is one in which the gap between what you say you believe and what you actually do gets intentionally smaller. I’m sure there are other ways to say it, but I think I’ll stew on this one for a while.

All this to say, hello. I’m back.

Writing update:
I’ve got this idea for a decently long Zutara fic – what’s up with all the 30 word fics in that fandom, seriously? Idea, meaning, I’ve already written 8000 words and haven’t heard much back from my betas (does it suck, I wonder? I was rather fond of it, how sad…)

I’m have a serious hankering to finish Firebolt Ring, mainly because I love Viktor and I think as a character he’s worth it. Besides, I rather like the story I was telling and want to finish it…

I want to work on some of my original stuff, but ugh, it seems like such a trial. I think it’s because with fanfic there’s such a strong support community for writers, and I’m so used to that type of community. I’ve never searched for a similar place for original fic. Do they exist, I wonder? Cause I definitely need a support community of writers. My friends do a good job of support in general, but it’s so nice to get a writer’s feedback, and to give support as well, to know that it’s mutual. I want both. No, I need both – there, I’ve said it.

That’s my story, I’m sticking to it.

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