How To Know What You Need

Do you give yourself what you need? Self-Fulfillment is one of the seven basic ‘self’s that we need to conquer and own in our own lives, and self-fulfillment is one of the many ways we can be our own best friend (instead of being our own best enemy). But maybe self-fulfillment doesn’t really start with ‘do you give yourself what you need?’ but rather… ‘do you know what you need?’ Because a lot of people don’t actually know. They’ve spent the majority of their lives, or at least their most recent years, catering to someone else’s needs, putting someone else first and their own selves a distant second, third, or fourth. In such instances, they’ve crushed down and swept under the carpet any awareness of what they themselves might need and they’ve totally taken on someone else’s needs as their own. 

Just in case this might describe you in some small way, let me give you a starter list of some common needs that everyone should be able to give themselves, and know that they need them and when they need them. I’ll put this in the first person to ease the way. (Not a complete list, just a way to get started.)

  • Body needs: I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I need to use the toilet, I need to sleep, I need to rest, I need to move, I need to get outside, I need to get inside, I need salt/electrolytes, I need to warm up, I need to cool down.
  • Emotional needs: I need to comfort myself, I need to calm myself down, I need to get angry in a safe way, I need to talk about a boundary violation, I need to elevate my emotions, I need to cry, I need to grieve, I need to have safety enough to feel what I feel.
  • Mental needs: I need quiet, I need stimulation, I need challenge, I need to create, I need interaction, I need fresh ideas.
  • Spiritual needs: I need inspiration, I need guidance, I need discernment, I need grounding, I need atonement, I need forgiveness, I need healing, I need cleansing.

So I say again, do you know what you need when you need it? Can you give yourself what you need, or be the procurer of what you need, even if it involves interacting with other people? Or do you in part or whole rely on other people to meet your needs for you (or just get frustrated when they don’t spontaneously meet them?)

A self-fulfilled person knows what she needs and gives it to herself just as often as she needs it.

Leave a Reply