I’ve been thinking a lot about habits this week and I’ve blogged a bunch about that and written my upcoming newsletter about it, and you know, of course this is the time that I come up against some rather ingrained habits of my own.
I mean, they’re always there. I just am not always inconvenienced by how very good and solid they are as habits.
Like the fact that I chose new pronouns and now if I talk about myself in the third person I don’t always get it right. (I still haven’t rewritten all my bios on various websites, etc. I’ll get to it.) Not that I talk about myself in the third person often, but it’s already happened once and I’ve already gotten it wrong and felt rather silly about it.
And really, a bad habit is just a habit that no longer serves you and needs to go. Like me referring to myself as she.
It does beg the question, ‘well, then why did you change your pronouns in the first place?’ and I have blogged about that a little recently. And in case you didn’t see it, the way I’d summarize that is this:
I’m not strictly a cis-gendered, heterosexual woman, but I can pass well enough and I don’t much care either way, on a personal level. But there are a lot of people out there who are maybe just like me but they do care. And it’s hard for them. None of the boxes fit right. And I’m in a place of privilege where I can change my pronouns and come out as ‘it’s complicated’ in response to ‘what’s your gender?’ and it doesn’t adversely affect my work life, my home life, or my social life. And that is a very privileged position, indeed.
Now, I can hear an argument that goes, ‘if you don’t care, why make all this fuss?’ And I get it. My answer is: “This life is a lot more complicated than most people who are cis-gendered and heterosexual even need to acknowledge. No, I don’t need to acknowledge it for my own sake, but I do need to acknowledge it for the sake of others.”
I mean, I’m a priest, for crying out loud. If I wasn’t in this to a) change people’s minds, b) improve their lives, and c) help absolute strangers I’d be in violation of my ordination vows.