I only lasted 2 hours, but wow. Had an amazing conversation about liturgy on the drive home. And two really, really lovely things happened.
Thing One: I feel better. Finally. I think it was after I’d meditated for a while on the Trinity Icon that was painted on the ceiling, which I’m incorporating into a paper I’ve been working on. So, I’d been thinking about it already, and how Rublev incorporated the theology and reflection of the monastery he was with, and the tenor of the times, and the tradition handed down to him, and orthodox doctrine… And then I was better. Just goes to show me that perhaps if I had gotten up this morning and prayed, I could have circumvented my sort of pissy day. The moment that I made the day not about me, it got better.
Thing Two: Despite being fairly certain about God’s love for me, I had a moment when I stepped aside from my personal understanding of God and stepped into a more secular understanding of God… Which is to say, I had a moment of thinking, “I think I’m going to hell. I really shouldn’t be lusting after the deacon in the blue hat. I really, really need to stop thinking about kissing him. I need to not be thinking about him whispering sweet nothings in my ear in his lovely Russian accent. Priests and deacons in the Russian Orthodox church can be married… I really shouldn’t be thinking about this. Should not be considering checking out Craig’s List missed connections, just in case. Certainly should not be considering posting a missed connection. He’s probably a good boy whose not on the internet. He probably wouldn’t know Craig’s List if you hit him upside the head with it. No, no, I need to not think about the fact that I have one of the deacon’s email and cell number and it just might be his. Oh, please, please, please, please, please let it be his.”
I might have actually had more than one moment of this sort of thinking, but I was thinking of the Resurrection most of the time, honest.
He was an absolute dead ringer for Stanislav Ianevski, by the by. Did I mention that?
It may be that I have quite nice dreams tonight…