So, I’m now a graduate of the Protestant Episcopal Theological Seminary in Virginia.
Graduation was yesterday. My mom and sister left this morning with my car. I get the moving truck in an hour. There are a lot of boxes in my immediate vicinity. Really, all I’ve been doing in this last little while is packing and eating, with a little singing and crying and hugging thrown in for kicks. I haven’t prayed much, in the sit down and be quiet sense, though I’ve certainly been a party to the one-way stream of consciousness that I direct at God. Really, I need both types to be sane. Sometimes it’s so hard to just sit down and be quiet. It somehow seems easier to fill up my time with other things – aimless surfing on the internet is my thing, probably because I don’t have a TV at the moment. But I think I’m going to have a little sit-down with God after I update my lj. My prayer corner is packed, but I suppose my desk chair will do…
I think I’m a little numb. See, the thing is, I’m very calm and rational and quite cool, and I’m not feeling sad at all. Which means that sometime tomorrow, probably around Pennsylvania, and probably when my iPod ceases to broadcast on a frequency that is helpful, it’ll hit me all over again. No more hanging out with Rose on the weekend, or just popping over to her place for this or that. No more sharing a bathroom with Frannie. No more random bearhugs from Matthew, who will honestly make the coolest priest on the face of the earth. No more knitting with Holly. No more being seriously slytherinly snarky with Debbie. No more craft projects with Mary. No more centering prayer at the Cathedral. No more guaranteed theological conversations of interest in the Communion over dinner. No more House 42.
Perhaps I’m not so numb after all. Perhaps I should have waited till PA to reflect on this.
And there’s no more coffee. Meaghan took her coffee machine and grinder with her when she left yesterday, and I’d already packed my french press and espresso machine. I came down this morning, ready to turn on the coffee maker and there was an empty hole on the counter where it always was. I just sort of stared at it.
::sigh:: At least I know where my hankies are.