“We are Christians. We pray for everybody. And we will be much facilitated in that if you go the fuck away.”

This phrase came out of our office’s brief brainstorming session for emergency preparedness. One of the issues that arose was the fact that we’re the evacuation site for the elementary school across the street, which this week in a truly inane and irresponsible local news story was compared to Sandy Hook Elementary School as a perfect example of a local school that could have the self-same violent attack – and the news story included exactly how one could do that, detailing everything. Clearly, neither tactful nor useful as actual news, unless you’d like to plan one of those attacks. But the brainstorming session in the office was quick, efficient and we promptly moved on and got slightly silly. Not, mind you, that emergencies are silly things in any way, but that once you’ve done your prep work, it’s done. Move on.

So we were discussing ideal first-reactions when a microphone gets shoved in your face, and my gut reaction was along the lines of, “Thank you for asking. You should speak to the Rector of the Church, who is over there.” And the Rector then responded that she would say, “Let me introduce you to the people designated as spokespersons for the event.” But given the persistence of the media, the manic joy taken in the sensationalism of any event, and subsequent imagined questions, she also said to the imaginary reporter, with photographer clicking away in a sanctuary filled with shocked and grieving people… “We are Christians. We pray for everybody. And we will be much facilitated in that if you go the fuck away.”